Most of you already know, but some of you might not.
My dad died on Sat 2nd May 2009.
It was a massive heart attack and he died in his sleep and would not have been aware of it as we were told it was instant.
This has been a huge shock to everyone, as he was so active and vibrant. He played golf twice a week and was out every day with my mum and her friends having lunch. He won a golfing shield last month and the golf club were going to give him an award for best improved golfer for last year, next month. I think they're still planning on it and giving it to my mum.
I was going to post a photo, but I can't bring myself to look at them yet.
I was also going to say more, but I can't right now.
15 comments:
Pauline I totally understand that you cant post a picture yet - it was such a shock, it´s one thing when the person is sick - even then its really hard, but when it comes out of the blue, its really hard. Just give yourself time. You might not think it now, but one day you will be able to look at pictures and think about your dad without it hurting.
How is your mum doing? I have been thinking about her too.
Well done for writing that, it might not seem like much but being able to even write the words is a huge step. You will be able to look at his photograph in time, I still cry when I look at my dads but I love looking at them anyway, and a good cry does you no harm. It was such a terrible shock and you need time to recover from that, time to process and eventually accept whats happened. But you are doing very well and you have a beautiful wee girl there to keep you busy and forever on your toes! She will be a great comfort to you, when your hearts feeling really heavy one little 'out of the blue' smile can completely lift your spirits and bring joy to your heart, they have an amazing knack of knowing when mummy needs a smile or a hug!
Laura and Lisa, thank you.
My mum is doing amazingly well, she's back at work and back to her wee groups too. It just must be so hard for her, she first met my dad when she was 11. Next year would've been their 50th wedding anniversary.
Lisa on the note about Alice. I got her up from her nap on Sunday and I was putting washing away in her drawers. We were chatting away and she was telling me what she wanted to wear tomorrow and that she wanted to go to the swimming pool etc. Then I was just folding something and she said "I love you". I turned and said "awwww Alice I love you too and that is a beautiful thing to say to Mummy". Then she said she loved Nana and Grandpa and dog (my Mum's dog who frightened the living daylights out of her). Then as we were walking downstairs, she got to the bottom stair and said "I love me". I just laughed and said "Alice, I'm really glad you love yourself". They really are a tonic.
Precious moments. Pauline you should write them down. (well suppose you have in this blog!!haha)
I wrote down things the kids said and did.. I also kept paintings and drawings, a few from each year. I wrote down funny things that happened and then put it all in a book for them that they got on their 10th birthday. The kids loved those books. Leah got hers when she was 8 as she just couldnt wait any longer...haha neither could I. She had seen sara and Andrews books and every birthday would ask when she was getting her book. In the end I gave it to her early and then told her she could fill up the empty pages.
The book took a while to make as I was not very organised. I had a box for each kid that I just threw things into - so I had to sort through 8 - 10 years of stuff and take the best out.
Andrew used to hid wee notes around the house for me telling me he loved me - or if he had been naughty he said sorry. I kept those notes and put them in the book. Also when he was about 6 he made comic books - I kept a few of them too and put them in his book. So just a wee idea from me:-)
Thats a really good idea Laura, I wish I had thought of that! Too late for Connor now but not for Tom though. What kind of things did you keep?
I was going to do that Laura. I bought a book to write everything to give her on her 18th birthday. However, I just didn't have to write in it. I wrote all about the pregnancy and got as far as the birth and that was it. I also started writing down her words as a sort of word diary. Then the amount of words she was introducing daily went up so much I couldn't keep up.
I guess the blog is a good record (as long as you back it up according to Stuart) and certainly all the video and photos we've taken of her too.
Like Lisa, what kind of stuff did you keep. I've kept wee keep sakes, like her first vest and cardigan and blankets and shoes. We also keep all her sticky pictures in a folder. We do go into it and throw a lot out, but keep a couple as we go along, so there are some from each stage of progression.
Also Stuart's first two father's day cards were prints of Alice's feet, they're too big for this year, so he's kept those too.
Actually come to think of it we have kept quite a lot already.
Pauline, the others have already said it all, and I don't want to repeat just for the sake of it. Death is always a shock, no matter how and when it comes . . . for as a friend said to me "you never expect it today". All the more when your dad was a fit, healthy, youngish man.
I'm glad they're still going to give you mum the trophy - it will be hard for her, but may even help her along the way a bit.
What about your own health in all this Pauline?
The boxes/books are a great idea, and I think that whatever you put in them, keep etc will be very special! Go for it:-)
Laura it sounds like you managed to at least pass on some of your romance to your son!
I must do a post on my blog with photos of the books - they are not the most beautiful but my kids love them. Actually tonight Leah and I were reading hers before she fell to sleep.
I start the books with a letter to them telling about finding out I was pregnant, about the pregnancy and birth.
I have pictures from the birth, their little armband, then I have posted the copy of the journal the nurses kept when I was pregnant showing how much weight I put on etc...I have photos of them, letters from my mum and dad to them, drawings they made, stories in it about funny things they said or did, but I tell you what. I will post some photos on the blog and you can see some of the things. I am sure you could make them much prettier, like a real scrap book but I just didnt have the time but the kids love them anyway.
Rhoda, thank you. Ironically, I've actually feeling a bit better and doing more each day. Still needing loads of sleep and giving in to that, but not quite as wiped as about 6 weeks ago.
Laura, my pregnancy notes is something I wished I had a copy of. It felt like a diary of my diary of my pregnancy and then when you stop seeing the midwife they take it all away from you. I wanted to keep it as a record. I still have Alice's foot bands from hospital too, the scan photos and some of the border that went up in her bedroom (which she is now peeling off!!!) I thought it was probably too late to make a book, but I think I have enough stuff from her earlier days.
hi pauline
i like to read your blog and think of you often! It's lovely to read all about Alice - she sounds so like Sam!
Just wanted to let you know Gavin and I were so sorry to hear about your daddy. I'm sure it was such a shock to you all.
Fiona
Fiona, thank you so much. It really was a shock and still is. My mum was saying yesterday that she still thinks he's up stairs asleep or out playing golf and will be in any minute.
Also, really glad to hear you read the blog. I had an old e-mail address for you and it bounced back, so Charlene has given me an up to date one now. I saw a pic of Sam on Etta's blog, he looks soooooo cute. I bet he's not all the time though.
Really lovely to hear from you. Hope you keep reading and enjoying the blog. xxx
Pauline, I haven't been near the blogs for a while, so although it's a little late in the day, I just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear about your dad's death.
On the one hand, it's a massive shock for you and your family; but on the other hand, better maybe that than to have had a long, protracted illness?
I'm so glad you're feeling better yourself. Long may that continue!
Ex
Etta, thank you too. I know what you mean. However, nothing can prepare you for the aftermath anyway. I am just so glad he wasn't really ill though. Everyone does say this way it's harder for those left behind, but at least he didn't suffer at all.
Also, it's not too late in the day at all, I'm still getting the odd card come in the mail.
Indeed, I am hoping I continue to improve too.
Thank you again. xxx
Pauline - so sorry to hear about your dad. Sorry haven't posted sooner but haven't seen your blog for a wee while. Take care x
Ruth, thank you so much. Don't worry about not posting, I could only face posting it last week anyway. xxx
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